Language, Language! In Family Law, It Can Make The Case

Language, Language! In Family Law, It Can Make the Case

Steve Rakowski
Illinois Fellow
American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers
August 2022
Illustration: 2 people yelling at each other through megaphones

Walking the walk is one thing. But can you talk the talk?

Attorneys, who serve ethnic communities, soon learn a vital lesson: their clients, when choosing a lawyer, prioritize language. Specifically, they want a lawyer who can communicate in the client's native tongue. This question takes precedent over a C.V. listing years of experience, multiple law-journal articles or even five-star Google ratings.

The most important question for anyone seeking legal advice is if an attorney can fully convey the nuances of the law—especially in domestic cases, where emotions run high—and then provide clear advice on next steps. When the client and attorney literally speak different languages, the process gets significantly more complicated. This is especially true when parents enlist their children—who may be directly impacted by the case—as translators.

This goes beyond the words alone. Language is the threshold to culture, and culture encompasses deeply ingrained ways of thinking. A client's culture may foster an outlook different from that of an opposing lawyer, or even from that of the judge. That's when the attorney must find a way to translate not only the words, but also the concepts on which the case rests.

I am Polish—fifth generation. Yet despite 32 years in practice, I still do not understand the thought processes of my first- and second-generation Polish clients. My family lost the language in the 1950s, when the anti-communism campaign conducted by Sen. Eugene McCarthy led my grandparents to ban the speaking of Polish both in and outside the house. As proud Americans, they wanted to assimilate fully, and also wanted to ensure that their kids got a fair shake when applying for schools and jobs.

But assimilation is no longer the goal of every immigrant. Ethnic communities now maintain their native culture. They buy goods and services from those who speak the same language, usually because it facilitates trust. Because I cannot talk to my Polish clients in the language they find most comfortable, I do not presume to know exactly what or how they may think, even though we share the same ethnicity.

For example, I have one Polish client who speaks passable English but prefers Polish, and when we discuss her case, we always end up quarreling. Her responses and questions convey a mistrust I cannot assuage; the harder I try to reason with her, the more arduous our conversations become. In frustration, I asked my Polish-fluent paralegal—my wife, Joanna Zagozdon—to handle these communications. This simple change elicited a remarkable change in the client's demeanor, from suspicious to cooperative—even grateful. I collaborated closely with Joanna and directed the messaging, so I know this transformation went beyond the choice of words.

I have seen a similar dynamic at play in court, when non-English-speaking pro se litigants use interpreters to translate exchanges between the judge and both attorneys. Such third-person communication, taking place in the crucible of a court appearance, is not conducive to making informed decisions, no matter what the interpreter's level of legal knowledge. In my experience, the lack of cultural understanding in the courtroom can lead to acrimony and defiance.

Miscommunication is all but guaranteed if an attorney does not speak the client's native language. The best solution? Always have someone on staff who is fluent in clients' language—Polish, in the case of my practice. A native speaker with legal experience can put the client at ease, while clarifying the sensitive details of family law and, of course, maintaining confidentiality.

As a second option, in the absence of a bilingual staffer, use a client's family member or friend as a go-between. This arrangement entails reminding the client of the confidentiality challenges posed by third parties. The downside? Family members may be so emotionally invested in a divorce or custody case that, in translation, they inadvertently corrupt legal advice, through inflection or adlibbed commentary.

Some might see the use of free online translation apps as a third option. But this is really no option at all, given the contextual nuances of the law as it applies to each case. You get what you pay for.

Beyond its cultural implications, language also influences perception, to a degree best explained by neuroscientists who have identified a critical link between language and emotion. Such research posits that the use of “emotion words” to label facial expressions may help concretize otherwise ambiguous facial expressions. Other neuroimaging studies show that brain regions involved in perception and experience also become active when one weighs semantic judgments. This evidence helps explain why language, rather than merely describing emotions, may play an integral role in shaping that emotion in the first place.

vAnd in our business, emotion is prevalent. As divorce attorneys we strive to separate ourselves from a client's emotions. But most clients see the situation differently. They relish their emotion; it is their currency. In such instances, our ability to relate directly to that mind-set may determine whether the client retains an attorney at all, and then how the case will proceed.

Its well worth the time and energy needed to see things from the client's perspective: it often leads to a better relationship with a more appreciative client who can better navigate the pitfalls of the case. And besides, we all could use a few more five-star Google ratings.

Steve Rakowski gratefully acknowledges the patient guidance of Polish attorney Joanna Zagozdon in developing the content of this article.

Steve Rakowski

Reach him at or at 847-412-9950

Managing the Dollars and Sense of Divorce

Managing the Dollars and Sense of Divorce

Katy Mickelson
Illinois Fellow
American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers
July 2022
iIlustration faucet leaking money

Jenny, a successful CEO, retains counsel for her contentious divorce from Bruce, a stay-at-home father. Jenny and Bruce have had their share of disagreements over the years, mostly related to their financial responsibilities: Jenny pays all the recurring bills, while Bruce uses their joint account to handle larger, one-time expenses and their children’s everyday needs.

Fueled by her belief that Bruce devalues her financial contributions—and oblivious to the best interest of the kids—Jenny reacts by refusing to adopt a temporary support plan or even a temporary parenting schedule.

Bruce’s extremely litigious attorney responds by filing one emergency motion after another. This onslaught of motions unnerves Jenny; normally calm and collected, she calls and emails her attorney every day, racking up hours. But she forgets to tender her financial discovery documents—which prompts her husband’s attorney to file more motions, this time for compliance. These actions harden Jenny’s refusal to compromise on even small requests from her husband.

Jenny initially paid her attorney a $7,500 retainer; one month later, the retainer is exhausted. In fact, Jenny now owes the firm another $1,500. She is exasperated. How could this happen in only four weeks of litigation?

This hypothetical case will ring true for every family law attorney and offers important guidance for matrimonial-law clients as well. When people getting a divorce focus so much on “winning” each small point, they overlook the big picture. And then they are shocked to discover they have squandered their retainer. Suddenly, the budget for their divorce has doubled (or more).

The subject of fees can strain any lawyer-client relationship, but family law cases seem to supercharge the situation, for two main reasons.

  1. Family law proceedings offer no clear answers to the most frequent client questions: “How long will this take?” and “How much will this cost?” The answer is, “It depends.”

    Clients may read these exchanges as a legal song-and-dance. But family law encompasses more variables than most other practices: current financial transparency, contingency planning, child-related matters and especially the actions of the family itself. Clients’ own behavior greatly influences how much they will spend on legal fees.
  2. During divorce proceedings people are at the most stressful juncture of their lives, and skeletons can practically come tap-dancing out of the closet. The process can be embarrassing and depressing. Many clients wonder why an attorney should charge additional fees to take them through this house of horrors; it’s easy to see how emotions rise as fees mount.

But skilled, thorough representation is essential in family law. The Courts have wide discretion when it comes to rules and procedures, especially with regard to evidence. Unclear decrees cause havoc for subsequent determinations that rely on the original settlement. Attorneys must be hyperalert to these issues for clients’ protection, and clients should be prepared to compensate their attorney fairly and promptly.

The divorce process need not break the bank: clients can manage costs by avoiding unreasonable or time-consuming demands. They also should know what they can't and can control in the divorce process.

What is not within a client's control? The personality of their spouse or partner; the personality of the opposing attorney; and the Court system itself, including the presiding judge.

What is within a client's control? Clients can respond quickly and concisely to queries. Clients can minimize communication with their attorney by consolidating their questions into succinct emails and making fewer phone calls. They also control decisions about when and where to compromise—or even if they want to go to Court at all. (The cost of litigation far exceeds that of mediation.)

Each client has the obligation to handle their own financial responsibility to their lawyer. Surprisingly, this is not as clear-cut as it might seem. In their effort to manage costs, some clients seek to negotiate lower fees with their attorney—something they would rarely attempt with accountants, doctors, plumbers or any other professional providing a valuable service at an established rate.

Perhaps this stems from the drawn-out nature of many family law proceedings, in which the finish line can be hard to see as the costs add up. These matters may be second nature to lawyers, but to most clients they're terra incognita. It falls to family law attorneys to set expectations at the outset and then reinforce guidelines for making good decisions as well as containing costs.

Of course, attorneys should encourage clients' questions about their bills and then explain, clearly and without umbrage, the actions taken on their behalf. By helping clients foresee and manage their expenses, we promote a level of trust that fortifies attorney-client partnerships.

This includes conveying the one great truth about the divorce process—that in terms of emotions and finances, it is a marathon, not a sprint.

Katy Mickelson

Reach her at or at 312.621.9700

©2022 Illinois Chapter of the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers